When I feel like too much and not enough.

The first time I've ever felt like I was "too much" was at a youth group Bible study in middle school, where I was perhaps a little too rowdy, and perhaps a little too distracting, and the sweet leader pulled me gently into the kitchen, offered me some cheese puffs as she sat and talked with me about chilling the heck out. I was embarrassed beyond words, and there it was. I was TOO MUCH.

Later in middle school, we had an exchange student from Colombia join us, and as a circle of us girls stood on the warm asphalt to introduce ourselves, several of my "friends" stepped in and spoke for me. Pointing in my direction, they laughed and said "Me llamo Flatsie! Flatsie = flat chested, my claim to fame that year. And there it was-- I was NOT ENOUGH.

Too much and not enough have followed me throughout life, simmering below the surface of my outgoing personality in high school and college, as I tried out for the singing club that I didn't get into, as I swallowed opinions I wanted to share, as I made friends and lost them, kissed boys, and led Bible studies.

While it was simmering away for years, "too much" and "not enough" seem to be boiling and rumbling to the surface these days, sometimes splashing and and spilling over.

TOO MUCH emotion for my husband.

NOT ENOUGH patience for my kids.

TOO MUCH speaking without thinking.

NOT ENOUGH thinking of others.

TOO MUCH enthusiasm.

NOT ENOUGH talent.

TOO MUCH.

NOT ENOUGH.

I pile these accusations on top of myself, until the weight of them feels too much to bear.

And then, I remember that I don't have to live like that, believing lies from Satan that tell me I'm TOO MUCH and NOT ENOUGH. Satan doesn't get to tell me who I am. Because I have an Authority who tells me exactly WHO and WHAT I am. A Savior who knows my every thought and action, every personality quirk, every tendency, who chose to give His life for mine, washing away the guilt and weight of sin that would otherwise demolish me.

The Word of the Lord says,

I am alive to God, dead to sin. (Romans 6:11)

I am MORE than a conquerer. (Romans 8:37)

I am an essential part of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27)

I am not a stranger to God, but a fellow citizen with God's people (Ephesians 2:19)

I am being made new (Ephesians 4:23)

I am a dearly loved child of God (Ephesians 5:1)

I am chosen. (Colossians 3:12)

No more exchanging the truth of God for lies.

The truth is too GOOD to be buried under lies that immobilize.