what i've learned:: the ugly side of the online community

I love the community of the blogging and handmade world. Men and women with oodles of talent and bursting with fresh ideas, encouraging one another and adding bits of beauty to the world everyday. But this is a sin-filled world and there's an ugly side to it all. Where bloggers and artists steal original ideas, leave anonymous comments with harsh words, judge you for the silliest things, and make you feel like just giving up.

I've been there. I've dealt with my fair share of the nasties and believe me, I've thought many times about leaving my little space here and just enjoying a private life with my family. Even seeing that I've lost followers can leave me feeling icky. But I love sharing my photos, thoughts and family with you. I feel like God has called me to use this space to share the Joy I find in Him. So, I'm learning how to cope with the dose of negativity that comes along with the beauty. I hope you don't have to experience this side of the online world, but in case you do, here are a few things I've learned.

Take a step back. 

Many times, the ugliness of the online community is blatant. It's in your face and makes your stomach turn to see the way people act. But sometimes I jump the gun a bit on being offended and I need to take a step back. Here's a little example of things not being quite like they seem.

This week, I downloaded Feedly to read blogs on my phone. I was curious to see how Hello Hue looked in the app, so I added my blog to my feed. Then I noticed that my little face showed up in the GFC counter on my sidebar. Uh, that seemed a bit tacky to me. I went into Blogger and changed my subscription to private. My face disappeared from the GFC counter and I 'lost' a follower. It made me wonder how many times I've seen that number go down and I lament how I must have offended or bored someone into unsubscribing. When in reality, who knows if a reader simply made their subscriptions private?

A small lesson that reminded me not to assume the worst and take offense at something that may be harmless. Written words on the internet are so easily twisted. Simple actions can quickly be misconstrued as hurtful. Yes, there are people who are outright nasty, but there are also people who are mistaken, who chose the wrong words or time to say something.

So before I take offense, I am in the process of learning to re-read, re-evaluate and consider if it's really worth getting all flustered.

Never underestimate the value of the 'delete' button

For a long time I struggled with how to deal with mean comments. I'm not talking about commenters who disagree with me, or share a different opinion. If a commenter brings up valid concerns, arguments or beefs with me, I'll respond as best as I can. But outright rudeness is what I'm talking about here (like when I was called fat in one of my early bump updates. Ok, dude...)  I've tried different things (replying with some sassy remark, leaving it for my readers to defend me, etc.). In my opinion, the best thing to do is to just delete those puppies. Don't give them a second read-over. Don't analyze them. Don't reply or give the commenter the satisfaction of seeing you upset. 

Just delete and move on. It's not worth your time or energy. 

Leave the posse at home & don't act like a fool . 

Then there are times when the offense is obvious. I've been called awful names, bullied and lied to about copying. When I've come across artists trying to sell almost exact replicas of my work, or when someone leaves a rude comment on a post, I'm always tempted to take it to Twitter. Expose the jerk. Let my readers and friends take a whack at them. Sadly, I have to admit that I've done that a few times in the past. It never leaves me feeling better, usually just escalates the situation, and honestly, looks awful not only as a Jesus follower, but as a businesswoman.

Sometimes, I just delete the comment and move on, like I said above. But other times, I need to say something. So I've learned to deal with things privately and to respond as respectfully as possible. For me, it is helpful to remember that on the other side of that mean comment, there's another human. And behind those apparent copies of my hard work, there's someone who just doesn't get it. And maybe there's a side to the story that I haven't heard yet. Maybe it's an honest mistake and by reacting too quickly and strongly, I make a fool out of myself and throw any testimony to Jesus out the window. Responding with some level of respect and thoughtfulness does not come easily to me at all in situations like these, but I'm learning with each experience.


What are some positive ways you deal with negativity in the online community?

" If it is possible, as it depends on you, 

live at peace with everyone." 

Romans 12:18

(Psst... wanna see more in the What I've Learned series? Read about changing your business name, rocking the baby bump, starting a handmade shop and more here.)